What am I doing here? This question haunts my thoughts at the moment. I am not thinking metaphorically, I wonder about the present. What am I doing here in Denver, in school again, in a doctoral program?

Orientation was Friday, and I was not blown away. There were no epiphanies, save my ability to speak to my advisor rapidly about my interests and what I wanted to study. Most of my time was spent listening to people tell me how hard it was and wondering why any school still operates on the quarter system.

Classes begin on Thursday if I can find my immunization records, make sure I have health insurance, and get approval for an independent study on pastoral formation. Of course this needs to be done by Tuesday if I actually want to take classes. Why can’t programs send you the necessary forms beforehand? Instead, my day was filled with “oh yeah, one more thing…” What a pain in the ass.

Therefore, I wonder why I am here. I know the obvious answer. God called you here; God has a plan for your time here. Let’s be truthful, I may have felt pulled but it was my call, and sometimes I regret it. To be called halfway across the country, to a land where I know no one sucks.

Why couldn’t I just finish my engineering degree and draw pretty lines for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t be near so poor; I wouldn’t put this tremendous pressure on myself to succeed; and I would be living a hell of a lot closer to home. It is just so frustrating at the moment. My wife, despite all of her qualifications and her desire to work, can’t find meaningful employment. Her migraines are wreaking havoc on her head. It has been a long weekend, and then we decided to go to church…

I will have write about my first experience in an evangelical church. To say the least I was under-whelmed, unimpressed, and if this is what my generation has to offer to worship, I want to renegotiate my birthdate and find someone who is doing something truly great…

grace and peace



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