snow day

I saw myself in three cars yesterday. In Richmond, where I live, it snowed a whole 2 inches yesterday. This means that everybody and their mother has to rush out to the grocery store and buy milk, bread, and toilet paper. Schools and businesses shut down, children run wild in the streets, women wail and men cry. And… everyone believes they know how to drive in the snow.

So, there I was in front of the traffic light, in the middle lane of an icy road. To my left was a brand new pickup truck, single row of seats, empty truck bed, and rear wheel drive. To my right a work van has whipped around the traffic behind and skids to a stop next to my car. I am in my mid-sized sedan, warily watching the drama ensue.

Pickup truck guy is trying to make a right turn. He has been doing so through three or four cycles of the light. His idea of getting through the icy patch at the intersection is push down on the gas as hard as he can. Pickup truck guy is basically doing a 2000 pound impression of an ice skate…

Van guy is visibly upset. He too has sat through a number of lights and he just watched another van scoot around the slower moving traffic. Van guy is creeping forward on the packed snow in the turn lane…

I just sit and watch. I am idle guy. I sit and watch the mechanical ice skate on my right and the impatient creeping guy crunching the snow under his tires…

Pickup truck guy has fishtailed his back wheels into the curb so that he is facing against traffic, and he gets ready for another run. Only the light is red and I can’t tell whether there is oncoming traffic. Pickup truck guy doesn’t care, he just guns it and the tires are screaming on the packed ice…

Van guy has attracted a following. Behind him another van has pulled up. I can hear the engines rev, eyes intent on the red light. The line to my left has grown. Partially out of impatience, partially out of the fear that they won’t be one of the three cars to get through before the light turns red again…

I am waiting. I am watching. I am… scared. The last thing I want is for the light to turn green. I think I am going to be the victim of testosterone or impatience. I see my car hideously attached to the fender of the pickup, sliding into the van…

The screeching continues as pickup truck guy slides closer to the intersection, two feet forward, and one foot to the right. There is no stopping him now. I keep waiting for him to catch the pavement and take off, sending the truck careening into the Costco parking lot…

The light changes and it is time to go. Van guy guns it and the screeching begins again. Pickup truck guy has found his footing and is on his way to terrorize another corner. Idle guy, me, I take my foot off the brake and idle forward till I hit the pavement and then give it a little gas…

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